On the mend?

Maybe. My infection is completely cleared up! I'm allowed to wear a shoe at work and at home (but not outside) and I'm set to start massage therapy and physical therapy again this week. Even though it feels like this recovery is taking FOREVER, my surgeon reminded me that the infection set me back a couple weeks in terms of healing. So, instead of thinking of myself as week 5 post-op, I need to think of myself as week 3 post-op. Also, the incision looks great and he was amazed at my lack of swelling. All good signs. Also, the pain I've been having isn't necessarily a bad sign. I'd describe it as an ache, and Dr. McGorgeous describes is as a "toothache you can't get rid of". It's true. I doesn't matter if I'm in the boot, in my shoe or even just sitting on the couch, there is no rhyme or reason to when the pain starts. It makes sense though. In order to fix the osteochondral fracture, he "microdrilled" down into my bone marrow. I then proceed to slowly bleed out stem cells from my bone marrow, and they fill that fracture back in and repair it. It's not a perfect technique- it won't repair my cartilage with the same type of cartilage that I originally had, but it's a hell of a lot better than just having a fracture. Anyways, the process of repairing actually causes me some pain, and might continue to cause me pain for a couple more months. Also good news- the ligament seems to be stable. He did a stress test, and it didn't hurt and I think I got an A because he didn't say I failed. This time he used a dissolving suture (so I don't reject it) and it should be completely gone in about 2 more months. I guess right now my main concern is physical therapy. I won't lie. My heart isn't in it. I have given physical therapy my ALL on three separate occassions. I don't think anybody who saw me work through the pain would argue (reminder- I worked through the pain of a foreign body reaction, scar tissue wrapped around my nerve, a torn ligament and an osteochondral fracture to my calcaneus). And I worked through that pain for a grand total of 6 months. And it didn't get me anywhere. Rationally, I know that it was because there were still injuries. But, there could STILL be injuries now! How do I psych myself up to deal with the pain and the effort when there have never been any physical rewards for going through it in the past? I can't quit. I know that and there's 0% chance that quitting will happen. Hopefully when (if?) I start to feel some progress, the attitude will follow.