Sunday, May 6, 2012
Let me preface this by saying, I DO NOT want to write this. I have done my very best to avoid my blog, pretend it doesn't exist, pretend things aren't happening. But I woke up this morning to a blog comment that made me realize that I do want to get this off my chest. So here we go. About a month ago I noticed a stabbing pain in my foot, just underneath my subtalar joint. My immediate reaction, was "Oh please no!" but I managed to calm myself. And by calm myself, I mean that I pushed myself so far into denial that it took me weeks to get out of it. I couldn't walk those first two days. The pain woke me up out of a sound sleep. I was miserable. I immediately suspended my gym privileges. I was struggling enough just to get through the mandatory parts of my day. Along with the stabbing pain, the limping I was forced to do aggravated every single tendon below my knee. It felt like they were on fire. I did what I've learned to do- ice, anti-inflammatories and rest. But still, the pain persisted. After 4 weeks, I emailed Dr. McGorgeous and ran this all past him. He suspected a stress fracture in my foot and ordered x-rays, sight unseen. The x-rays were negative, which is common, so he wants to see me in a week. My foot is most definitely feeling better, but it has feeling better because I'm not doing anything. I tried something at the gym to see if I could get it to hurt, and I can. I've got a lot of anxiety because it's difficult to tell the difference between the tendon pain in my foot and this stabbing pain. Sometimes it feels unstable, which horrifies me to the point where I almost can't breathe. You can see why denial was a good place for me. It's going to be a long week of waiting.