Fun and Games are Over

This is hard. I haven't forgotten the other times I've had to start walking again. Oh no, I've gone over every single detail of how I did and figured out what worked and what didn't, and this is a streamlined process. Except it's not this time. This surgery is so different from my other ones. I feel like even with all of my experience, this surgery has so many unknowns. I'm still using a crutch the majority of the time. I feel like I'm failing. I want to be walking. It's not pain that's a problem, at least not pain from the incisions. It's the pain from the tendons, especially my Achilles, which hadn't worked in 6 weeks. I just physically can't move like I want to, or would expect to. And I'm not basing this on other people, I'm basing this what I've done in the past. So frustrating. I'm SO frustrated. It's not a big leap to think that I'll never walk normally again. I'll never be okay again. I'm happy I have this blog. It's my journal, and I can go back and read that I felt this EXACT SAME WAY, every.single.time. It doesn't make it easier. This is hard, and I hope I never make it sound like this is easy.

It wasn't pretty

But I did it. I took my first steps today. I'm still using the one crutch the majority of the time- see?? I CAN take it easy. I've got a long way to go til "normal" but this was an important milestone!

Threats!!

I had my doctors appointment yesterday. I had a BAD feeling about it for a few days before. I just knew something wasn't going to go right. I had my x-rays, and after they were done I was wheeled back to the CAST ROOM. You go to the cast room when you get a cast. Oh HELL no. I told the nurse as she was wheeling me (my pink and black cast was cut off, so I had to be in a wheelchair since I had no protection around my ankle and couldn't use crutches) that she should warn Dr. McGorgeous that if he tries to put me in another cast I will break down crying. And I meant it. So he comes in and goes "Let me get you some tissues". Oh HELL no. I asked him why I couldn't have a boot. He said my x-rays looked good but he was worried about the amount of pain I would be in with a boot. A walking cast provides more compression, so he figured I would feel better in that. I told him I wanted a boot, and if he put me in a cast I would FOR REAL start to cry. I guess this was a significant threat, because in all this time, I have never once cried in front of him. I got my boot, and the warning that if it hurts too much, I HAVE to come back on Monday and get a walking cast. I agreed to that. So I got my boot and was able to weight bear out of the office. I was putting about 80% of my weight on the crutches, but 20% on my ankle! Got home, and shaved the hell out of my leg. It was so gross. I post surgery pictures and I won't post a picture of how gross my leg hair was. I found out that the whole area under the steristrips is numb. This may get better, it may not. That's sort of a bummer. I hope I get feeling back. Today I was able to take steps using just one crutch, a la Tiny Tim. I plan to walk by the end of the weekend!!!!