Monday, July 11, 2011

Fun and Games are Over

This is hard. I haven't forgotten the other times I've had to start walking again. Oh no, I've gone over every single detail of how I did and figured out what worked and what didn't, and this is a streamlined process. Except it's not this time. This surgery is so different from my other ones. I feel like even with all of my experience, this surgery has so many unknowns. I'm still using a crutch the majority of the time. I feel like I'm failing. I want to be walking. It's not pain that's a problem, at least not pain from the incisions. It's the pain from the tendons, especially my Achilles, which hadn't worked in 6 weeks. I just physically can't move like I want to, or would expect to. And I'm not basing this on other people, I'm basing this what I've done in the past. So frustrating. I'm SO frustrated. It's not a big leap to think that I'll never walk normally again. I'll never be okay again. I'm happy I have this blog. It's my journal, and I can go back and read that I felt this EXACT SAME WAY, every.single.time. It doesn't make it easier. This is hard, and I hope I never make it sound like this is easy.

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