Can we be serious for a minute?

I have been dreading this blog post for awhile. DREADING. It's taken me this long to wrap my (currently very fragile) mind around what's happened and get to a place where I want to talk about it. Actually, that's a total lie. I don't want to talk about this at all. So I'm writing this post the same way little kids do their homework. I went for my ankle ultrasound. And they found nothing. There's nothing wrong in there. I just hurt. After a year and a half they can't find any reason for my pain. And to be totally honest, this really feels like the end. The final, official, life is never going to get better end. And I don't know why. I don't know why I have to live like this. I want my old life back so bad. I can't do a whole lot without crying anymore. I don't know where I can go from here. I've exhausted modern medicine. And the prospect of another 50 years of this makes me sick.