Wednesday, May 12, 2010

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

IDK what the title is all about. I just feel like I need a big strong opening, because I'm gonna drop some knowledge on you. How weird is it that I'm actually scared to write this? There's a new one. And also, the reason I feel like I can get through this post is because I'm on drugs. Lets start at the beginning, use small words, and avoid shiny objects for the crazy lady (that would be me). I've told you all about the crazy prescription. That makes me crazy. CRAZYCAKES. Anyway, my last pill was Saturday at lunch. And all the villagers rejoiced! Until Saturday night when I had a really hard time falling asleep and my back hurt. And then Sunday when I was extremely agitated, aching, and exhausted from not sleeping. Then Sunday night when I couldn't sleep again. At work on Monday, my pulse was racing, my heart felt like it was going to beat through my chest, my palms were sweaty, I was shaking, I hurt all over, and I was full of rage. I was pacing the halls like a caged animal. Fortunately, I had a checkup with the surgeon in the afternoon. He came in and asked how I was, and I asked him if it was possible for people to go through withdrawals from the crazy medication. And he looked me in the eye and said he'd never seen anyone do it before, but I was clearly doing it now. I kind of started crying a little. Dr. McGorgeous was so good about it. He said that my brain became dependent on the drug, even though I didn't like how I felt on it. And I was going through a withdrawal just like for any other drugs. He told me that he knew I just wasn't myself, and his number one concern was ending this episode. He tossed around the idea of putting me back on the crazy meds just to wean me off, but I was worried that the medicine makes me feel so bad, and I'd already put three days into the withdrawal, maybe I should just stick it out. He wrote me out a couple new prescriptions to help the agitation and insomnia, and promised to call his drug rep to find out if there was anything different we should be doing. Sigh. And this is all before we even start talking about the pain. Because I'm the most helpful patient to ever exist, I took the liberty of drawing lines on my ankle wherever I felt pain, so when I rolled my jeans up, he had a working map of my pain. Now, a lot of this part of the visit is very fuzzy, or I'm missing pieces altogether. But the first thing we are going to do is ultrasound my ankle to get a better look at the soft tissue. This will help us decide the next move. I may be having tendon problems or I may be having nerve problems, which will take me to Pain Management. Despite being told that Pain Management doesn't mean drugging me senseless for the next 50 years, I have a sneaking suspicion that it does. I can't worry about it yet though. Mostly because these new drugs don't let me have feelings. I am nothing if not mellow. So I'm getting my ankle-baby ultrasounded tomorrow morning, and that will lead us in some direction. The good news is that Dr. BlueEyes is doing the ultrasound, so I get to see an old friend and fill him in on what the last 15 months has brought me. So stay tuned faithful readers.....tomorrow is a big day.

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