Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Up to date

So this is the last post I need to catch you guys up to where I am now. I'm excited to share these last few details, but even more excited to have the story told, and be able to post about my current struggles in real time. So back to the girl with my injury. We shall refer to her as Ankletwin. Because from the first minute we met, it was unbelievable how similar we were. To the point where we refer to "our" surgeries and "we" went to the doctor. It wasn't until I met her that I realized how lonely the chronic pain had made me. I mean, I still live a pretty awesome life, but I've also definitely changed. When I think back to my old workouts.....60 min on the elliptical doing 6 min miles on level 8. Weights 3-4 times a week. I had just finished a 10 week beginners yoga course when I was injured. That's not my life anymore. I haven't worked out since Jan 13th, 2009. I'm now the person who has to calculate the distance between two stores in the mall so I know if it's feasible. My old life ended that day. And I'm still working on accepting that. But I have always been a fighter. And I refuse to stop fighting to get a life I can enjoy. After talking to Ankletwin and realizing that other people struggle in situations like this every day, I decided to take my feelings from private to a blog. I truly do hope there is someone who reads this and finds some comfort in the fact that I'm fighting too. And I have a collection of characters, from my massage therapist, to my physical therapists, nurses, doctors, friends and family who refuse to let me quit. I saw my surgeon on March 8th for the one month follow up to my 3rd PRP injection. My pain is worse now that it's been in at least 6 months. The surgeon can see that the swelling is worse now than it has been in months. I'm very clearly backsliding. I knew it before he even walked in the exam room that day. And for the last few months my biggest fear has been that he will give up on me and send me to Pain Management. I'm 26, and the prospect of spending the next 50 years using narcotics to manage my pain brings me to tears. But there's always that ray of hope. I tell the surgeon that while the pain is worse, it's also changed. I used to just feel pain everywhere from mid-calf down. And after the 3rd PRP, all the "background noise" pain disappeared, and I can now point to EXACTLY where the pain originates from. I can pinpoint it. And once this pain starts, if I don't stop whatever I'm doing (ex: grocery shopping) the pain completely debilitates me. And here's what he comes back with. When he repaired my ligament, he used a suture to reattach the ligament to my bone. The area of pain I'm pointing to, and the swelling I'm having are directly over this suture. He thinks my body is rejecting the suture as a foreign object, and literally trying to push it out through my skin. So, two weeks from today, he is reopening my big incision to remove that suture. He's also opening my smaller incisions to remove scar tissue and inflammation. And while there is nothing "hilarious" in this post, this is the current state of affairs. I'm allowing myself a small ray of hope, but also mentally preparing myself to go back on crutches, back in a cast, and back to my un-showered, dignity-lacking, post-surgery self. So no worries....hilarity will ensue.

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