Monday, March 1, 2010

The wait is over

So I laugh at the lady on the phone. Seriously, I don't TRY to be a mean person, but after everything I've gone through to get ready for this day, and the fact that I am 2 stoplights away mean that this thing is happening, even if I have to do it myself. I check in, I change into my fashionable gown and one non-slip sock. The nurse tries to end my life while she was starting my IV. I'm only exaggerating slightly....after the bloody mess she left, we needed to change my blankets and then I had to reassure her that I trusted her to try again on my other arm. Fun stuff. But it was all worth it the second Dr. McGorgeous walked into the room to do my pre-surgery consultation. Looking at him in his scrubs, I wondered if he was a fake doctor, and this was not my real life, but a made-for-TV movie that would air on the Lifetime network. I wasn't even on drugs at this point, this is really how I think. Anyways, he starts making marks on my ankle and that's when it really hit me, that no matter what he found with the ligaments, I was not going to wake up with the same body I went to sleep with. I would permanently carry a reminder of this injury. That's about the time I hugged my mom, put my hair in a sweet hairnet and got wheeled down the hall. I moved onto the surgical bed and they started arranging me. Arms here and here, stuff on my fingers, something on my forehead. Something in my IV. They were trying to keep the mood light and were asking me questions about my job. The drugs in my IV burned my arm, and made me a little fuzzy. I saw something coming over my face and it startled me. My anesthesiologist explained that it was just oxygen. I remember thinking "THAT'S NOT OXYGEN, THAT'S ANESTHESIA! THAT JERK IS LYING TO ME! MY DOCTOR IS LYING!!!!!" And then I woke up in recovery. My leg was in a cast. My first question was about the ligament, and the nurse told me she didn't know. The same nurse then wanted me to eat. And my poor, drugged up, stressed out brain had had enough. Our conversation went as follows:
Nurse: What would you like to eat?
Me: Nothing
Nurse: Well, you have to eat something. We have crackers, bagels, muffins, dinosaur brains, coffee, tea, soda, water....
said crackers and water show up. I have no intention of eating them. 5 minutes pass...
Nurse: You need to eat those crackers.
Me: I'm not interested in your crackers.
Nurse: If you don't eat them, I can't give you your Vicodin
Me: How many do I have to eat?
(as a side note to my reader(s), I am not a toddler, although at this point I can see how you would be confused)
Nurse: 2 crackers for 2 vicodin
So I ate the two crackers and the two vicodin. And a muscle relaxer. :) They brought my mom in, who explained to me that yes, one ligament did need to be repaired. My expected recovery time from this surgery is 6-8 months. Even through the haze of drugs, I know this isn't going to be good.

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